The only time you should look back is to see how far you’ve come
I spent some time reflecting on 2017 over the holidays. Where I am now and where I hope to be by the end of 2018. I took time to reflect on relationships with family & friends, my job and running. When it came to running there was a major shift in my attitude and vision.
I went into 2017 very disappointed with my poor performance at Xterra Worlds. I went into the race ranked in the top 3 and finished 11th. The race destroyed me physically and mentally. While training for the 2017 Boston Marathon my heart wasn’t in it. I did the training but didn’t enjoy it. Running had become a chore. I looked at races with fear. A race could potentially be another huge embarrassment. I ran 3:22 at the Boston Marathon despite a lackluster build up. I took a couple weeks off after the race and when it was time to start training again, I was actually excited! Mentally I was ready to train and race again, but physically my body was still recovering.
Over the summer every run felt long and my legs were heavy. I ran a summer 5k race 3 minutes slower than my time from last year. A huge signal something was wrong. With that came medical tests, more rest and a major reset.
Come fall I was finally back training hard and ready to race again. I ran 7 races from September to the end of 2017. I finished 1st in all but one of those races. My confidence came back. I learned within those races to fight myself, race myself when I grew tired or weary. Racing was no longer the girl next to me, what my splits were or where I finished. Racing was about doing my best and running better than I had the race before. It wasn’t worrying about who was behind me who might catch me or who looked fitter on the starting line. I stood on the starting lines each race and thought about my race plan, my goals and when the gun went off I was in the zone.
For 2018, I want to continue to race in this way with this addition: the belief that I’m a better runner than I think I am. To actually line up to race and truly believe I can hold my own with runners who on paper are better than me. Because how else does one get faster? How else does one elevate their game? So, here’s to always looking forward, setting future goals and looking back only to see we’ve smashed those goals.
-Ash